12.5.11

Today while working with the 3rd graders:

We went Balling yesterday.
I think you mean BOWLing.
Yeah, Balling.

Ahem.

10-24-11

I wish I could explain today's quote... but let's just say it had to do with boobies, Spanish mistranslation and a very embarrassed little boy!
Muchachos!

10/11

Today my second graders were discussing how animals escape or hide from predators. One kiddo came up with skunks as an animal that could be prey:
"So how would a skunk escape from a predator?" I ask.
"He could turn around a fart at him," says E.

I think my husband does that to keep me from getting too close, too.

More today

A is watching a video in S's class... he is excited, has to pee and is really enjoying the video.
His hands are down his pants... He says UHOH UHOH UHOH I have an LOL! and piddles all over himself.

The past week was fruitful

So yesterday one of the second graders rounds a corner and spies a buddy... he blurts out: "Where the hell have you been?"
His dad is a pastor.


Today our third grade story is about a lost dog in the desert. There are a dog, a girl a dad and a prospector in the story:
W: Then the dad and the girl go looking for Flag again. They find a prostitute out in the desert and then...

They found whom???

9-13-11

So, what is your dream, S? Something real. Like mine, I want to travel around the world.
S: I want to be someone that makes potions. I would like to make a potion that could turn people into beavers.

I had NO idea how to respond.

9-13-11

9/2/11

--Where did that little boy kick you? Was it in the cafeteria?
--No, the stomach.
bahdump bump...

-Ms. M have you seen Mrs. Sarcophagus?
-Pardon, dear? I don't know who that is.
-You know, Mrs. Sarcophagus... the lady whose office is across from yours.
-"snicker, giggle"-- um you mean Mrs. Sirakavit? (Sir-ah-cah-vit)
-YEAH her... wow, I can't say that name.

but Sarcophagus... that was easy.
ahem.

GRD 2011

Today the campers at GRD were asked to figure out some rules that would make camp run smoothly... one of the girls came up with: Let's NOT talk about God.
Thank goodness we are in a Unitarian church for the week.

5.26.11

Third graders have an incredible sense of ... Smell... I was going to say justice... but smell works too.

Convo between myself and another teacher where we were discussing the sense of justice that kids have... then one of the third graders piped in with "smell." I lost it.

May 13, 2011

W.V. “Ms. V. do you know what the first drug I ever drunk was?”
Me “The first drug you drunk?”
W.V. “Yeah, my first drug was caffeine. It’s true caffeine is a drug”

T. had a sun burn
“ I used to be a white boy but now I am a redneck”

R. P. was trying to get out of doing his homework
“ (suck in saliva and breath) It’s just…. My body parts are just disturbing me!”

Ag

Dinosaur:
tihs kind of animal is brown
and ruled the earth
now it is dead

by: a first grader

It is illustrated with a pic of a thing that looks a LOT like a beaver with a square head. :)

HLL

We got talking about alcohol today for some reason. Third graders are GREAT at tangents. Then someone asks how babies are born(yeah, tough crowd).
Finally, HLL says to no one in particular, "So, babies come from alcohol?"
I almost said... "Sometimes..." but I held my tongue.

Just enough

Boys are like zombies... they don't have brains.

Fire!

I want to be a firefighter when I grow up. I like water.

Would you want to drive the fire truck too?

No, I just want to shoot the water.

3.23.11

Today's quote comes from a friend of mine... He is 16. He also didn't get the joke until I pointed it out. Heh heh heh

"G-strings are hard to tune."

3.22.11

What does your grandpa look like, A?

-He's from Michigan.

Wait.....

But what does he look like?

-I told you. He is from Michigan.

3.19.11

This one is from a former student...
His dad asked for his brother and he to clean up the kitchen... The brother balked and said he had more important stuff to do... my student looked at his brother and said:
I used to have to cut the heads off of chickens and pluck them for dinner, P. Cleaning the kitchen is much easier.

Now, isn't it just?

3.17.11

The gold at the end of the rainbow...

When asked for her great qualities, one of our kids states:
"I am dyslexic, beautiful and I do think that dogs can understand me."

One of our six year old kiddos was telling dirty limericks today... but we couldn't get a good handle of any of them to post here... Dammit!

And all during our "high stakes testing" I had the wonderful opportunity to spend 4 hours a day with one of my favorite kids... We spent most of the time when the tests were over looking for spies because she was convinced that these spies had populated the school with cameras in moths that were dead in the window wells.

It is these moments that make me happy to be a teacher.

2.25.11

Sometimes we talk about things that others don't want to talk about... That person is left out.
"What could we talk about that wouldn't be good for K (who is a boy)?" says the speech teacher.
"Let's talk about pink," says S (who is a girl)


Not the best one... but it made me giggle.

I am listening to the speech class now... they are discussing idioms. I may need some oxygen from holding my breath to not guffaw at them.

2.17.11

Today I have a rant of my own. There is always time for funny quotes but today I wanted to plug in some of my displeasure with my profession. I suppose there is always time for that too and a lot of people do it daily... luckily for you, this is my first written rant.

I am saddened by how we Americans think that our way is the best way no matter what. We are constantly pumping our imaginary fists into the air like so many Arsenio Halls. We find fault with the "thems" in our lives so much that we forget that we all came here from another place. Even our Native friends have been diluted by so much "other" blood that they would be unrecognizable to their forebears. As a teacher of kids from "other" cultures, I find that these babies take things very deeply when a person in authority tells them they are not up to snuff. These students come with history much more profound than our own and yet we want them to assimilate.

When I was a child, we talked of the Great Melting Pot of American society... David Dinkins had it much more accurate when he called it a Beautiful Mosaic. Are we forgetting to teach our teachers this in university? Are we so focused upon test scores and AYP that we forget to teach the teachers how to celebrate individuality and expression? What is the matter with us?

2.16

Quote from a fifth grader:
I can't do Greek and Latin today because all of the sudden the world has turned into 2D and that is strange.

And then:

I won't be able to go to music either because the teacher should be fired.

Brigitte's babies...

This is from our wonderful Brigitte... she works with some of the best children for good quotes... Lucky Brigitte...

Me to kid: Please stop playing guns.
Kid: But why?
Me: Because we dont play guns at school.
Kid: Is it because then people will think im a bounty hunter?
Me: yes, exactly.
Kid: yeah, we wouldnt want that!

1.20.11

The next time I go to one of those (a baby's baptism) I will do a cannon ball into the baplemitizer (baptismal pool). -As stated by a fifth grader

Honesty shows no bounds

Today one of our students came into the room and declared he had been misbehaving.
What did you do to misbehave?
I was disrespectful.
What did you do that was disrespectful?
I told my teacher that she's a fucking maniac and then I kicked her.
How do you think that made her feel?
I think she was pretty angry.
Yes, quite.

At breakfast

So, I have been off work for a while and have had no kid interaction... until Sunday morning for breakfast:
Child watching World's Strongest Man competition: Wow, Dad, that guy is stronger that YOU. You can't even pull a truck!